The higher earner thinks that making more money gives them the right to make all the decisions about spending it, forcing the lower-earning spouse to account for every penny they spend and taking them to task for any expense the higher earner considers too frivolous.
12 Tough Things You Must Do If You Choose To Stay With A Cheating Husband
The lower earner gets back at them by finding sneaky ways to hide spending, such as saying the money they spent on a salon visit went to pay the gas bill. Whatever the cause, revenge spending is a sign of an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship. In some cases, financial infidelity and sexual infidelity go hand in hand.
People who are cheating on their spouses usually try to cover up evidence of the affair, and that means hiding telltale expenses such as hotel bills, gifts, and travel. They may try to pass off these costs as business expenses or open a secret account to keep them hidden.
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In the case of the super-rich, spending on affairs can be incredibly extravagant. An affair can also lead to financial infidelity if one partner starts contemplating divorce. For instance, a husband who intends to leave his wife for his mistress might plan ahead by opening a secret account and stashing a portion of his income there. Perhaps the most serious reason couples conceal money matters from each other is out of genuine fear. For instance, a wife could hide her spending from an abusive husband for fear that he will hit her.
Couples in this situation need counseling to deal with both the financial infidelity and the fear and distrust behind it. Financial infidelity can be just as harmful to a relationship as sexual infidelity, if not more so. Financial infidelity hurts couples in two ways. The first casualty is trust.
Dishonesty is a problem that cuts both ways. Larger-scale deceptions, like secret accounts, can get a couple into even deeper trouble. For instance, if one partner has accumulated large amounts of debt without telling the other, you might have to cash out a k to pay for it, sacrificing your chances of a comfortable and happy retirement. The damage done by a financially unfaithful spouse can persist even if the marriage ends.
When a spouse cheats on you, you can always walk away from the marriage and get on with your life. The best way to keep financial infidelity from harming your relationship is to put a stop to it before it starts. Newly married couples should sit down and talk out all the details of their financial life, from bank accounts to long-term financial goals. Look at how much money you earn between the two of you, then work together to set targets for how much you want to spend on rent, food, and other basic needs.
Also, decide how much you want to set aside each month in savings to put toward your long-term goals. Making your budget together ensures that you both know where you stand financially and helps you stay on track toward your goals. Your financial situation can change over time, and so can your goals, so to make sure you stay on the same page, continue to discuss your finances regularly. Another tip experts offer is to make sure both partners are involved in taking care of their joint finances.
Experts offer several other ways to keep both partners involved:. Instead of making your problems worse by trying to hide them from each other, you can face them head-on and deal with them right away.
The sooner you tackle small problems, such as a gap in your budget or an unpaid balance on your credit cards, the easier it is to keep them from turning into big problems. Recovering from financial infidelity takes a lot of work from both partners. There are several warning signs that a partner could be cheating on you financially. Some people become defensive and reluctant to talk about money, while others suddenly start spending a lot more or a lot less. Approaching the problem with concern, rather than anger, is the best way to get at the truth.
Choose a moment when you and your partner are both calm and non-stressed to bring up the problem. Financial infidelity is often a symptom of a problem somewhere else in the relationship. Sometimes, the cheating partner hides money because they feel the other partner is irresponsible. Uncovering and dealing with the problems that led to the infidelity is just as important as dealing with the results. In these cases, talking to a counselor, by yourself or as a couple, can help you get to the root of your behavior and figure out how to deal with it. Which type of counselor you need depends on what you believe is behind the problem.
A couples therapist or marriage counselor can help you deal with problems in the relationship itself, such as different values or a power imbalance. Seeing an individual therapist can help the cheating partner uncover deep-seated issues, possibly dating back to childhood, which affect their finances. Support groups can also help with this problem. Professional help can be useful for dealing with the financial effects of cheating too. For instance, if one partner has piled up a lot of credit card debt, a credit counselor can help you work out a plan for paying it off.
Other types of financial professionals who could help you recover include financial planners and money coaches. Financial infidelity is, in essence, a breach of trust between partners, and a key part of recovery is finding a way to restore that trust. Experts say that one important step is to be completely open about your finances from now on.
Allow your partner to examine every receipt, credit card statement, and bank statement at any time. For instance, you could agree not to make any purchases over a certain dollar amount without discussing them with each other. You could also promise to hold all of your accounts jointly from now on or to consult each other before opening a new account.ufn-web.com/wp-includes/72/pirater-telephone-portable-avec-numero.php
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Put your agreement in writing so that both of you are completely clear on what it requires. No matter what steps you take, it will take some time for the relationship to return to normal.
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The cheating partner will need time to change their harmful money habits, and the victim will need time to learn to trust them again. Be as patient as you can with each other and give your new financial habits time to work. All Rights Reserved. Money Crashers. About Money Crashers. Recent Stories. Read more. Advertiser Disclosure X Advertiser Disclosure: The credit card offers that appear on this site are from credit card companies from which MoneyCrashers.
Amy Livingston. Views Shares Share This Article. Dig Deeper. Follow MoneyCrashers. Trending Articles. Become a Money Crasher! Join our community. Share this Article. Amy Livingston Amy Livingston is a freelance writer who can actually answer yes to the question, "And from that you make a living? She also maintains a personal blog, Ecofrugal Living , on ways to save money and live green at the same time.
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